I hate mayonnaise. It’s so gross, I’d rather:
Pick up dog poop only to find a hole in the bag
Only get pennies back as change
And hair grow from my fingertips
Than eat awful, stinky mayonnaise. I’d rather:
Constantly wear wet socks
Have to get up during the end of every movie to pee
And always wear my pants backwards and inside out
Than eat nasty, fatty mayonnaise. I’d rather:
Have a smartphone with only a sundial to tell time
Use Daylight Savings Time every other week
And hear Christmas music before Labor Day each year
Than eat disgusting, slimy mayonnaise.
Mustard, however, I love.
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