Nov 19

I Hate Mayonnaise


I hate mayonnaise. It’s so gross, I’d rather:

Pick up dog poop only to find a hole in the bag

Only get pennies back as change

And hair grow from my fingertips

Than eat awful, stinky mayonnaise. I’d rather:

Constantly wear wet socks

Have to get up during the end of every movie to pee

And always wear my pants backwards and inside out

Than eat nasty, fatty mayonnaise. I’d rather:

Have a smartphone with only a sundial to tell time

Use Daylight Savings Time every other week

And hear Christmas music before Labor Day each year

Than eat disgusting, slimy mayonnaise.

Mustard, however, I love.

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Written by Travis Blair. Illustrated by Nicole Dorman.
Thanks to Nicole for the magnificent medley! Click/tap her name to see more from her.

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